When Things Don’t Go As Planned: unexpected blessings

I know it’s been quite a while since I wrote anything. I got the bad news right before Christmas that my mother has terminal cancer.

It made the holidays difficult thinking of her and how I wished I could be near her!

In January my mom decided that in spite of her increasing pain, she and dad would fly across the country to see me and all my kids & grandkids. We had a wonderful 5 days with them, but I didn’t r eally get to spend time just me and her- someone else was always around .

It was tearful & difficult to see them go, expecting it was the last time I’d see her, this side of heaven. Then she requested all her children come for a reunion just a couple weeks later. My hubby & I flew across country to be there and see all my siblings. We came from all over. It was a great and blessed reunion, but again, I didn’t get a chance to have moments alone with Mom. So when we came back home, again, it was very emotional for me, believing that was the last time I’d be seeing her here on earth.

I’ve spent February, March & April, going through old photos, working on photo-books of our reunion and one I still haven’t finished of Mom’s life. We enjoyed Easter with our kids & grandkids. I starting planning my garden for this year & got seeds started.

My suburban chickens are doing very well and started laying eggs this spring. I’d have my days of pleasant yard work, prepping & weeding the garden, picking asparagus & caring for chickens, or reminiscing good old times while looking at photos.

Sometimes photos & memories get me emotional & I’d be teary or on the verge of tears for a couple of days, thinking about my mom. Dad kept me updated on how Mom was doing a couple of times a week. A few times, he thought she was about gone. Then she’d bounce back.

End of April, my brother, who lives in the same town as my parents, contacted me to ask if I could come out & help Dad with Mom. She’d had a very bad couple of days, and Hospice thought the end was near, but Dad just couldn’t keep being sole caregiver. He was completely worn out!

So May 1st, I flew back across country, leaving my family, grandkids, chickens, garden seedlings, my first crop of beautiful strawberries all to come help care for my mother in her last days.

She lived a healthy life, so her body has been able to fight it off longer than they expected.

I’ve been here 3 weeks now. I’ve missed my grandkids sports events, and spring concerts. I’ve missed time with my hubby & grown kids. I’ve missed tasting my first delicious strawberries. Possibly my seedlings won’t all survive since my hubby isn’t used to caring for plants (grin), but he’s at least trying.

I’m going to be missing Memorial Day weekend with my hubby, kids & grandcubs; and I can’t wait to get back home to see them.

BUT, I’ve had the blessing and honor to provide for my mother the way she provided for me as a child. Cooking, cleaning, helping her get around with the walker until she no longer could. As well as helping my dad so he’s not doing everything by himself anymore or going through it so alone.

It was so great to see how excited she & dad were when I picked her rhubarb & made a pie for them! Seeing her smile when my brother comes to see her & pray with her. Showing her pictures of my grandcubs or pictures of her gardens & flowers, and backyard turtles, since she can’t get out to see them now.

Little brief conversations with her, telling her what a wonderful mother she was and how I treasure all the times we had together! Reading to her as she did when I was a girl. Trying to avoid scary or disturbing content so she doesn’t have bad dreams, meant reading the one children’s book in the house- Frog & Toad Together. She enjoyed it so much that I went out and got another children’s book to have more positive things to read to her, when dads not reading to her from Psalms.

In between times, while Mom is sleeping, I’m having wonderful chats with Dad. He cries, knowing before long he won’t have his true love, high-school sweetheart of 60 years anymore. We talk about the past and we talk about the future, we cry, we hug, we support each other in this weird in-between time. A time where we see her slowly getting closer to leaving us for a better place. He tells me about their early life together. And it’s special time with my dad too!

I still have emotional days, but being here, helping & serving her & and having those little moments with her has been a precious gift I wasn’t expecting.

So instead of being bummed I didn’t get the first strawberries, I’m grateful my family is freezing some for me for later. Instead of being bummed I missed my grandkids events, I’m grateful My daughter-in-law recorded them for me & sent them so I could still see them. Instead of being bummed about not starting my garden, I’m grateful I have more seeds I can plant if I need to. And if it’s too late when I get home, I can get fresh produce from farmers markets.

Instead of being completely heartbroken that my mother will soon not be around- I have hope! I WILL see Mom again someday!

• 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

[13] But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. [14] For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. [15] For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. [16] For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. [17] Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. [18] Therefore encourage one another with these words.

I hope that my sharing these current difficulties in my life has been an encouragement to someone. Look for the positive-whatever your circumstance. There’s almost always something good to be found.

Here’s to your health!

Jenny Bear